Grad School is Hard

Grad school is hard. I have been wanting to write all about it in my journal but what is supposed to be a sketchbook has now transformed into…all writing all the time. While I strongly believe that hand-writing is good for the soul, and one’s skill set, it demands time and energy. I often am not able to produce all of the reflections that I hope for, so I have decided that this portfolio would be an equal “growth space” for reflection on my work and academic experience, while allowing my sketchbook to make more room for (gasp)…sketches. I also find it valuable to connect my personal experience to my finished work. Often when we see the product of someone’s endeavors we forget the long process required to get there. I would like to be able to go back to this space to review my work and learning processes. Process is just as important as product.

So far, my post-undergraduate experience has been challenging but very rewarding. I have uprooted my Montana life to move to Oregon and plunged into the demanding world of grad school. For an introvert living in an extrovert’s body, such dramatic change can be very unsettling. My mind and emotions are always trying to keep up with my ambitions. The decision to pursue continued education was not without considerable mental and emotional strife. Especially in the humanities, and specifically in the non-profit arts sector, continuing education is not always a clear-cut decision when up against very limited resources and opportunities. BUT I do not regret my decision. I feel like I am now starting to see the path I was meant for. This time for research, exploration and making connections is invaluable. I have discovered and refined interests and ideas that have been developing invisibly in my subconscious for some time. I knew those ambitions were there, but in a very subtle way, and without any knowledge of how to pursue them. So I am now constructing a toolkit to help me realize these ambitions, give them substance and determine how to activate them and make them a reality.

It has been a difficult process, and I haven’t been in a situation for awhile in which I often feel incompetent or lacking knowledge, but that is when I know I am in the position to really benefit from my experience and to really learn. I am constantly challenged and inspired by peers, mentors and many others in my continually developing network. For the next year and a half I will be living in a rich environment seething with ideas, ingenuity and inspiration where struggles are all-consuming and success is hard-earned. So here’s to the challenge. Bring on the toils and trials. I’m ready.