I originally asked my friend Lacey to write something for the blog, but she told me her friend Linn actually had a more enticing and unique story. Linn was returning to grad school for her second time. After having such a great experience the first time, her spirits were high and she was generally calm, but as she notes in her story: No two grad school experiences are the same. She is a seasoned veteran at the grad school game, so I hope you will read on, learn from het story, and hear what great advice she has to offer.
High school was a requirement. College was strongly suggested (or rather unavoidable as long as finances lined up). And Grad school was an option, one that lay amongst other options of jobs, internships, travel, ect. Grad school was my choice. I started grad school to work on my Masters in Public Health in 2009. This choice to seek out select skills in public health made me feel like I was joining the influential in my field of choice. I spent two years learning computer software, data analysis and a list of boring (yet impressive epidemiology terms). The two years flew by, mainly due to the self-paced curriculum. Classes and exams were set on the calendar, but a majority of the training was spent on building my own research project and having it all come together for my grand finale thesis. Earning that Masters was a success in more ways than just the thesis. I scored publications, networked, gained friends with similar aspirations, and graduation opened doors to endless public health positions. I chose to spend a couple years afterwards working in the field, helping build international awareness of neglected tropical disease like guinea worm and trichamonas.
I loved the field and its intent and influence, but ultimately I didn’t see my role expanding. So, I chose to return to grad school for a 2nd Masters. Other than needing to locate additional finances, the decision to go back to school was easy because my first experience went so swimmingly. I started my Masters in Physician Assistant the summer of 2012. I was warned at both my interview and orientation that this program was grueling and to prepare both myself and my family for this taxing curriculum. I didn’t appreciate those statements at the time and started the program calm and collected in remembrance of my great first Masters experience. It only took about 6 weeks before I started to crumble under the stress and workload of the program. In comparison, the classroom hours were exhausting, exams came way too frequent and I was stuck in a classroom with 37 other students who were becoming just as cranky and defeated as I was. I wasn’t making connections with classmates as easy as I had in Public Health school.
In my first program I fell into something easy when I met a group of classmates that quickly turned into a community. We fed off each other and supported the other’s ideas. The start of PA school was in such a claustrophobic space with constant stress and demand that I don’t believe my classmates and I ever had time to build connections stronger than study groups. Time was too limited. On top of the constant studying, lack of connection with classmates, I was losing time with my community of friends outside of the program. I had to cancel dinners, excuse my self from birthday parties and when I was available to reconnect with my friends, I felt guilty for not dedicating myself to the books. I never felt settled in my skin that first year, feeling pulled in all direction, and not feeling that I was giving any one part of my life 100%. In my frustrations with the year, I remember talking to a friend back home about how my attitude was deteriorating and her words helped me pace myself to the finish of the year. She told me that the life I’m living currently in PA school was not normal. These challenges were limited to an endpoint and this torture (as I saw it) was not long-term. After giving myself some slack, my first year finished on an upswing.
Now, I’m 4 months into my second year, with 8 months to go. The structure is very different, no more class time or bi-weekly exams. This year, we are on our rotations, spending every 5 weeks at a different hospital or clinic, training and learning medicine with real patient problems. The work is more enticing, rewarding, tangible and never stagnant. This year I get to spend time with patients, doctors, PAs, nurses and hospital staff. I get to spend time with the people I never got to engage with last year and for all these reasons, my second year in grad school is exactly where I want to be. Ask me if I’d repeat that first year, and I’m sure I’d give you a resounding ‘No!’, but that’s probably because last years’ chaos is still too close to me. Give me 5-10 years before you ask me again. But what I will tell you is that grad school comes in many shapes and sizes. No one graduate program experience can allow you to make assumptions of all graduate school experiences. So instead remember these three things: (1) keep charging forward, (2) positive attitude and (3) remember that life in grad school is not normal, so give yourself some slack.
