My friend Julie earned her MA from Mankato State University and her PhD from the University of Minnesota. She is a Fulbright Scholar, mother of two, a grandmother, and juggles more volunteer activities than anyone I know. Here are her reflections on graduate school:
I remember one of my professors telling me in grad school that once I was a faculty member, I would look back fondly at all the free time I had in graduate school. At the time I thought she was crazy of course. I was teaching two 3-credit classes every semester, taking a full load of credits, researching and writing my dissertation, and caring for two foster teenagers at home the first few years and later raising my own baby. On top of that I had a 90-minute commute (each way), so I tried to limit the number of days I had to be on campus. The separation made me feel stretched beyond bearing at times. I once had a dream that I was driving north on the freeway and waved to myself driving south on the other side of the divider. Look back fondly? Clearly she had had a very different grad school experience.
While I felt close to “nervousbreakdownland” my first semester, I eventually learned to partition my various roles and activities to minimize madness. When I was home with family, I tried to be present—with them, playing games, watching movies, or baking cookies—not arguing with my dissertation committee in my head. When I was at school, I worked my butt off to get classes prepped and papers graded so that I could just research and write at home while the kids were in school or at daycare. I tried to use the morning commute time to formulate paper topics, write letters, and prepare various arguments—all in my head of course. It’s too bad I didn’t have a tape recorder though. On the way home I would process the various conversations I had, examine my class comments (obsessively) for signs of stupidity or naiveté, rethink research subgroup discussions, and generally work out whatever angst I had before I got home. If I had extra time, and often did, I would daydream, something I really missed once I stopped commuting.
Having clearly separate spaces like that also gave me a reasonable excuse for not attending people’s parties, lectures, events, and other grad school extra-curriculars. I missed out on the fun, sure, but it also kept me focused on getting my work done and seeing to my family’s needs. Because this took place right before the internet and way before cell phones, I did not have the burden of constant availability that we have now. I could focus all of my attention on whatever I was doing at the moment without having to check email compulsively or peek at Facebook for a friend’s mental hiccup. And my car time was not spent talking or texting with dozens of people. It was time for reflection. Today the temptation would likely defeat me, but I’d like to think I would shut those devices down when I needed to.
My professor was right that I would look back fondly on grad school, but not because of a lighter workload. I look back fondly on my ability to partition my work life off from my family life, something that is much harder to do today.