Floating in the MeSOSphere

I remember being there because it wasn’t that long ago. I remember feeling powerless, and doing nothing to discover how powerful I really am. I remember feeling guilty for not taking control of my life, for not assuming responsibility for what happens to me. I remember panicking about my future, imagining a life where I go nowhere and do nothing. I escaped this cycle of ethical paralyzation when I fell in love. I fell in love with being.

There is a park near my house that has a quote from Audrey Hepburn on its sign. It says “I never lose sight of the fact that just being is fun.” I sat down when I saw it for the first time. I was walking up toward the park on the sidewalk, I read the sign and I sat down right there. I sat down right in the middle of the sidewalk. At the time it seemed like the only logical thing to do, a symbol of humility to the universe, which has gifted me such an amazing opportunity to enjoy life. And here I was, walking to the park with no purpose and no inspiration, rhythmically and habitually rotating my “problems” around in my head.

I left the park before I had even officially got there. I stood up, turned around and walked home. That was the most fun I’ve ever had walking in the city, because just being is fun. When I got home, I grabbed my bike, hopped on and rode. I rode for hours, up hills, down hills, around the river, up to Spender Butte and back. I had gone from this cycle of guilt and uselessness to cycling on my bike and feeling elated. It happened so fast.

That was Fall of 2012. It’s relevant because that sign is why I’m here now. I broke the cycle by approaching the top, “do nothing.” Instead, I did something and have kept doing something everyday. I don’t feel guilty anymore because I have taken responsibility for my life situation, and have made it as positive and fun as I can. I don’t panic about the future anymore because I’m confident in myself, I feel like a person who is capable of creating the exact life I want. Most importantly, I don’t feel powerless anymore. There are a lot of things that I can’t change, and they’re big, they’re really big. I’m not worried about that though, because my power lies in my interactions with others. I’m an individual, I’m small, but I’m powerful.