By Wailea Ste. Marie
“Never walk alone,” “Always be aware of your surroundings,” “Never leave your drink unattended,” these phrases are just a few of the many common sayings passed down through generations of female-identifying individuals in the hopes to keep them “safe”. While this advice is often solicited in the hopes to help women protect their well-being by preventing (or at least to be prepared in the case of) sexual assault, I have experienced a contrasting effect from this “advice”. As my repertoire of anti-sexual-assault tidbits grew from my childhood to adolescence, I felt that my sense of well-being was decreasing due to the constant stress and fear of becoming a victim of sexual assault. While this advice was given in the hopes to reduce my stress in risky situations, it led to the anxiety of every situation becoming a risky situation. This fear sparked the idea to enroll in a women’s self-defense course at my local Krav Maga studio. I had the belief that learning even more tidbits alongside physical self-defense tactics would help improve my strength and confidence (and overall well-being) in the “big, dark, scary world” I was conditioned to believe we lived in. Personal Experience: My first shock after joining the classes was that many of the “helpful tips” I had learned were untrue or could harm me. For instance, holding your keys between your fingers could break your keys and your fingers, causing more damage to yourself rather than the person you are trying to fend off. Instead, you should use the most stable item on your keychain and grip it like you’re wielding a knife in a slasher movie (displayed below). 
(Pictures above demonstrate proper key-holding technique demonstrated by myself) Another shock was that I was (and still am) STRONG. I believe that the messages that were sent to myself and others as children often held the narrative that women are weak, fragile, and need to be protected. Throughout the course, I saw just how strong women can be. Spending my weeknights surrounded by women who were mothers, young adults, and/or survivors of sexual assault, and watching them grow in their confidence and strength helped dismantle the narratives about women that mainstream society had pushed. A major barrier I had to break past in my self-defense training was understanding that I was only as weak as I perceived myself to be. While I am not trained to disperse self-defense information, I would like to advocate for people to join self-defense courses if possible. Whether you join general self-defense courses, or women-oriented courses, you can use the skills you have learned to feel more secure in yourself and your abilities. These courses have helped me build the confidence to walk down the street without staring at the sidewalk. They helped break down the misconceptions that I had about the world that made me constantly fearful to leave the house. Most importantly, my self-defense training taught me that I am worth defending. For me, this lesson helped take away the power and fear that an imminent attack held over me. Instead of fearing that I needed to constantly protect myself, I developed confidence in the fact that I can defend myself if needed. While I have only had to use the hands-on training in low-risk situations (a.k.a., situations I was able to prevent from escalating), I have used the lessons of the course to improve my overall well-being. Once again, this improvement in my overall well-being is why I would advocate for everyone to try taking a self-defense course at least once. The benefits I have received include improved confidence, lower stress levels, better physical fitness, and an overall better sense of self. It is important to note that, while the class was based around physical defense, the greatest benefits that I reaped were mental ones. I believe that the largest impacts were mental/values-based lessons because how we perceive our world is how we allow the world to impact us. If we carry around the belief that we are always at risk of being in danger, we will walk around with high-stress levels and weaken our mental and physical state from carrying around constant stress. If we acknowledge that the world can be scary, but we have the tools to handle situations if necessary, then we can feel more confident and secure in our surroundings. This can alleviate stress-related health issues and build self-esteem. 
(Pictured above is my sparring partner and myself practicing self-defense) Intersectionality: It is imperative to note that self-defense strategies can be crucial/survival tactics for members of marginalized groups. Although my position as a woman makes me a more susceptible target of sexual violence, the privilege I hold as a cisgendered, white, able-bodied woman cannot be ignored. Transgender women, women of color, and disabled women face threats of sexual assault and violence at significantly higher rates than their white counterparts. This is why it is important to make self-defense programs inclusive and accessible. Women of color, disabled women, and trans women deserve to navigate their environments feeling secure, safe, and worth protecting. Ensuring that self-defense classes are inclusionary and acknowledge the risks that intersecting oppressions can have on one’s safety can help improve the well-being of broader communities of women. It can also act as an educational tool to help community members understand and be better equipped to help one another when facing differing risks and oppressions. A few suggestions I might give to studios would be to hire trainers of color and LGTBQ+ trainers. As a student, seeing yourself reflected in positions of power can make a huge impact on how you interpret and internalize what you learn. For example, one year my course was taught by a queer-identifying woman. This specific year of training has always stuck with me because I saw myself represented in my instructor. When teaching about potentially dangerous situations, she always used gender-neutral terminology, as not everyone finds themselves in heterosexual relationships or situations. It was the first time where I didn’t feel excluded when learning about setting safety boundaries in relationships because the instructor didn’t center the conversation around a “boyfriend” or “husband”. If having this instructor left such an important impact in my self-identity and self-defense training because we came from a shared identity, it serves as an example of how beneficial it can be to hire trainers with diverse identities. Accountability: When speaking of sexual assault prevention, it is often noted that methods often place the responsibility of assault prevention in the hands of the victims. While I am a huge advocate for self-defense courses, I think it is important to highlight to role of accountability in the prevention of sexual harassment and assault. Even though blatant sexual harassment has been “called out” and stigmatized within the last few decades, that doesn’t mean that sexual harassment and assault don’t still persist. In fact, accountability (or lack thereof) is a huge reason sexual harassment and assault continue to be problems in modern society. As I mentioned earlier, the practice of “calling out” a behavior or specific people can be an initial step in the accountability process. To “call out” something is to point out dangerous or damaging behaviors and ideations in an attempt to keep them from persisting. In the realm of sexual harassment and assault prevent, calling out sexually predatory comments and behavior from peers could help prevent sexually uncomfortable or dangerous situations from occurring. While peer-related accountability can help prevent in-group situations of sexual harassment and assault, wide-spread accountability needs to stem from systems of power. Systemic dismantling of cycles of sexual assault can be disrupted with proper education and accountability structures set in place. In other words, systems of power (such as workplaces, school systems, etc.) can help prevent sexual harassment and assault by providing educational tools and holding deviant individuals accountable from the top-down. Education systems need to provide more inclusive and diligent sexual education programs to inform students about sexual wellness, drawing boundaries in their relationships, and how to prevent sexual assault from occurring. School systems should also hold perpetrators at their institutions accountable and closely monitor programs that tend to be hotspots of sexual assault (for more information on this point, I suggest reading, “The Greek System: How Gender Inequality and Class Privilege Perpetuate Rape Culture” by Kristen N. Jozkowski and Jacquelyn Wiersma-Mosley, 2017 DOI:10.1111/fare.12229). Accountability for preventing sexual assault should stem from the systems of power that promote social norms, rather than the individuals who have been taught to fear their safety due to the “norms” of sexual assault that prevail in society. Until such changes occur (which they may never do), programs such as self-defense courses can help people reconstruct the “potential victim” narrative and feel safer navigating every day and potentially dangerous situations. Conclusion My experiences in self-defense courses have helped me gain a confident sense of self that I hadn’t experienced since childhood. When it comes to sexual harassment and assault protection, I believe that my self-defense training has helped me combat misconceptions about assault and feel safer in my environment. It is my hope that self-defense training can help other women feel comfortable, safe, and secure in their self and environment. While I offer a few suggestions to create more intersection sexual awareness programs and safer communities, I understand that those changes require widespread work. My main suggestion is to join or support local self-defense courses if you feel that they will benefit you. While it has been years since I have stepped foot inside my old Krav Maga studio, I continue to take educational courses to expand my understanding of sexual defense, wellbeing, assault prevention. My hope is that this continued education can provide me with the tools necessary to uplift and aid the women around me and build strong communities. The ability to feel secure in our sense of self and build our confidence in the space we take up in society, the hopefully we can improve the well-beings of ourselves and our communities. 
(This blog is approved by Chewy) (No animals or human were injured in the creation of this blog)
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