Thi Bui’s family memoir and graphic novel “The Best We Could Do” seems to have been written to answer one singular question the author has carried their whole life, “Why am I this way?” It doesn’t seem to have a positive or negative connotation, but rather the curiosity of someone who doesn’t feel at home. To answer this central question, Bui spends some time investigating her own life, but far more delving into her family’s history, going back as far as her paternal great-grandfather.
The book contains a multitude of comparisons and contrasts among the author and her parents, from directly addressing why she has a hard time investigating her mother, “Writing about my mother is harder for me, maybe because my image of her is so tied up with my opinions of myself,” (131) to less directly saying the second generation is “lame” (29). There are times when the author even stops telling a story about her parents, and begins telling from their point of view.
The investigation Bui made into her family began shortly after a 2001 family visit to the city where she was born in Vietnam. Writing about the vacation, Bui says that while her elder sisters were able to recount specific memories from their childhood, she, only three years-old when the family fled, and her younger brother “documented [the vacation] in lieu of remembering.” (182) In the illustrations of this section of the book, Bui has a blank expression and a camera. I’m familiar with the look on her face, I’ve felt it before when I’ve seen something or been in a situation which I knew should mean more to me, but couldn’t conjure the feelings within myself. Taking into account this strange feeling of loss, it’s no wonder Bui sought out a sense of remembering through the experiences of her family.
What is ”Family” to Bui? The first instance of the word in this novel, as Bui is gazing at her newborn son, is spelled in all-caps, “FAMILY is now something I have created, not just something I was born into.”(21) Later in that chapter, a caption at the top of a page reads, “These are the people I come from.” The following two tiers are labeled illustrations of first her parents and then the author and her siblings. At the bottom of the page the illustration is of the author standing with her husband, Travis, and their son between them, with both parents looking at their child, with the caption, “I’ve figured out more or less how to raise my little family.”(29) These are two instances provide the reader with the author’s definition of family using two distinct. The first is that in both quoted instances of the use of family the author is referring to her son, explicitly in the first case and by implication of the focus of the figures in the second. Family wasn’t created by love, or by marriage, but by birth. The second and supporting clue as to what family is in this novel is the phrasing of, “These are the people I come from.” These are the people I come from, these are the people who made me who I am, these are the ones who influenced my decisions; the inclusion of every immediate blood relative and no one else secures the definition of family as blood.
In my opinion the rigidity of the idea that one must accept all blood relatives as part of their family and, by extension, part of themselves, in conjunction with Vietnamese diaspora were what led to at least some portion of the isolation and feeling of loss Bui experienced on the family trip in 2001. Cut off from an immense source of what could have been personal identity in Vietnam by distance and in the United States by traditionalism and strict parenting, Bui was left yearning for herself. Though she eventually moved to New York in 1999 with then boyfriend Travis, they moved back in 2006, a year after the birth of their son, “trading the life we had built and loved in New York for a notion I had in my head of becoming closer to my parents as an adult.”(31) Though Bui had had space and time enough to find herself somewhat, there was still something missing, and that missing piece couldn’t be found without returning to the source; the people who made her.
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Dear Thi Bui,
I wanted to express my heartfelt gratitude for sharing your family memoir and graphic novel, “The Best We Could Do.” Your book left a profound impact on me, and I appreciate the opportunity to delve into your family’s history and personal journey.
Your exploration of identity and the search for belonging resonated deeply with me. The central question, “Why am I this way?” is one that many of us carry, and your candid exploration of this question was both enlightening and moving. Your willingness to confront the complexities of family relationships, even when they are difficult to untangle, is truly admirable.
I was particularly struck by your reflections on memory and the moments when we try to remember things that seem just out of reach. Your descriptions of that feeling of needing to document in lieu of remembering resonated with me personally, as I’ve experienced similar emotions when faced with memories that should carry more weight but remain elusive.
Your definition of family, rooted in blood and the people you come from, added a layer of depth to your narrative. It underscores the significance of familial ties and the ways in which they shape our identities and decisions. Your journey to reconnect with your roots and the source of your identity, despite the challenges and complexities, is a testament to the enduring power of family bonds.
Thank you for your courage in sharing your story and your family’s history through the medium of a graphic novel. Your work has sparked meaningful reflection and conversation, and I am grateful for the opportunity to have read “The Best We Could Do.” Your book has touched my heart and will stay with me for a long time.
With deep appreciation,
Rishikesh
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“آیا در تلاش برای گذراندن از یکی از مراحل دشوار زندگیتان هستید؟ آیا طلاق برای شما یکی از این مراحل است؟ با وکلای ما در کرج، شما میتوانید اطمینان داشته باشید که در این سفر ناشناخته، دوستانی با تجربه و دانشمند خواهید داشت. ما آمادهایم تا با دانش و تخصص خود، به شما راهنمایی کامل و حمایت لازم را در این راه ارائه دهیم.
در وکالت ما، هدف ما این است که به شما کمک کنیم تا این مرحله را به سادگی و بهترین شکل ممکن طی کنید. ما اطمینان داریم که با تمام دانش و تجربهی حقوقی ما، میتوانیم شما را در این مسیر یاری کنیم و بهترین تصمیمات را بگیرید.
اگر میخواهید که از مشاوره رایگان وکلا ما بهرهمند شوید و اطلاعات بیشتری درباره راههای حل موارد خود بدست آورید، با ما تماس بگیرید. امروز، قدم اول را برای شروع یک زندگی جدید بگذارید.”
وکیل خوب برای طلاق توافقی در کرج