Unit 05

The timing for this post is interesting because my Family and Human Services class is focused on cultural diversity and we are exploring and discussing many of the same questions and issues around personal values.  There has been lots of overlap in my writing and thinking for both classes but none more significant than the fact that my personal beliefs and values tie back directly to my family, how I was raised, and the examples my parents set for me.  My family practices what my parents always called “cultural Judaism.”  We were given an understanding of the laws of the Jewish faith but greater emphasis was placed on the history of our people and the richness of our traditions.   In this context, appreciating where I came from, the importance of family and placing high value on the freedom of expression (among other things) were emphasized through my childhood.  In thinking about it more deeply now, it’s clear to me that these values have always impacted my choices regarding style, dress, and adornment.

From the time I was a little girl, my parents gave my older brother and me a great deal of freedom when it came to our physical appearance.  My brother was allowed to get his ear pierced in elementary school and I was allowed to put distinctive streaks in my hair at a young age.  I was able to get my belly button pierced while in high school and at an age that required my parents’ permission.  Our choices and our parents’ support were often to the dismay of other parents in our community but my parents were more interested in allowing us to express ourselves than they were in conforming.  However, even my easygoing parents had limits on what they would agree to and that fell squarely into the realm of tattoos.  It’s not that they are against tattoos (in fact, my mother has one) but they wanted me to wait to get one until the decision was mine alone and not a choice that required their consent.  My mother always noted that hair grows back and earrings and other piercings can be easily removed, but a tattoo is permanent so the decision to get one should be undertaken with care.

I thought about and planned my first tattoo for a long time but in the end I knew I would choose something that took me back to my family.  You can see my first tattoo here and it’s in honor of my mother:

The words, “I love you the most” comes from a game we played throughout my childhood and a reminder that no matter where I am or what I am doing, I am loved.  My second tattoo is in honor of my father and you can see it here:

This comes from our favorite book and getting it tattooed on my back was my way of making permanent how I felt when we read the story together. In reading Chapter 1 of C.R. Sanders Customizing the Body I learned that there is much historical evidence that my desire to honor my family and our relationship is not an unusual choice when it comes to tattoos.  While the details are not necessarily tied to my family’s history and traditions, I do like the idea of tattoos being imbedded in a historical narrative.

My third tattoo is for the last member of my immediate family, my older brother. I got this tattoo because aside from being my brother he is also one of my best friends. I wanted to have a memorable tattoo for each family member. This is the word brother in Hebrew to honor my Jewish culture and my brothers birthday.  

Even thought I grew up in a home that valued and supported self-expression, it was not a free for all.  I can specifically remember times when one of my parents would sent me back to my room to change into a “more appropriate” outfit for school.  I am sure the shorts were too short or the shirt too tight and therefore unacceptable.  I look back on those moments and know now that my parents’ were helping me understand the value of self-respect.  Like most teenagers, I used clothing and fashion choices to push the envelope as I struggled to establish my independence.  Since those days, I appreciate that I can express myself and still have self-respect and be respectful of the environments I find myself in.   Towards the end of my time in high school and at home before college, I came to really appreciate this guidance.  I can recall reacting quite negatively to the fashion choices of a number of my female classmates and wondering how they could be comfortable in such revealing and overtly sexual outfits.

My peer community has shifted in the past two years.  I’ve moved on from high school and find myself in a much wider circle, in another state, in a college town.  Tattoos and piercings are more the “norm” and I think my peer community values free expression.  As I reflect on my upbringing and the values and beliefs that have guided and continue to guide me, I realize that it’s fantastic to be exposed to and get to know many different types of people.  And, their fashion choices and adornments help tell you something about them but definitely not the whole story.

I spent a few hours studying and drinking tea at Starbucks and literally observed hundreds of people of every size, shape, and color. I could see patterns in fashion choices, tattoos, and hairstyles but I also observed some individuals who were quite unique. All in all it was a fascinating few hours to actually just sit and take it all in. I observed a young woman with an olive complexion whom I assumed to be a student at the university as she was carrying several books and a backpack. She wore fairly standard dark blue skinny jeans and black patent leather flats. I could see a pink sweater peaking out from her raincoat. The most distinguishing element of her appearance was her colorful headscarf leading me to assume she is Muslim. If my assumption about her is correct, she is demonstrating a value of modesty. Although this woman wore clothes that did not distinguish her in one way or another, her headscarf caused me to assume other things about her that might otherwise be invisible. For example, while I know Muslims represent many races and ethnicities, I found myself making the assumption that she is from an Arab nation given her complexion. Had she not been wearing the headscarf, I might have observed her as Latina or Israeli. Since I am Jewish, I am familiar with the laws of modesty as Orthodox Jewish women also cover their heads in a show of piety to God. However, while I very much identify as Jewish, I don’t feel the need to dress in a particular way. I believe the woman I observed has made a different choice for herself.

The second person I observed was a muscular white guy with close-cropped brown hair. He wore black jeans and a snug short sleeved tee shirt. Both arms were covered in tattoos – from wrists to biceps. I did not see any other tattoos but, to be honest, made the assumption he had many more on his legs and other parts of his body covered by clothes. In my opinion, I believe this guy places a high value on self-expression and he uses his body as a canvas. I tried to get a better look at the specific tattoos on his arms, as I believe they can be revealing as to a person’s beliefs or interests but I couldn’t do so without staring or being too obvious about it. It also occurred to me that this guy could be a tattoo artist himself and I think it’s cool that he expresses himself so fully. In addition, given that he is in great shape physically, I can make the assumption that he places a high value on looking good and feeling good. As for these assumptions and how they relate to my own values, I can admire the guy’s tattoos but not feel the need to make such an extreme choice for myself. I have a few tattoos and they have very personal stories behind them but I don’t feel the need to cover parts of my body in them.

The third person I chose to observe was a white woman, fashionably dressed in what looked to be expensive clothes and shoes. Her blond hair looked professionally cut and colored and her nails were beautifully manicured. She wore gold earrings, gold bracelets, an expensive watch and she carried a designer handbag. She was alone but talked on her iPhone 6 the entire time she was in Starbucks only taking a break to order a drink. She may or may not be a student as she didn’t appear to have any books or other school related materials. In my opinion, this is a woman who greatly values her physical appearance and spends time and money on achieving a certain look. The main assumption I made about this woman is that she comes from a wealthy family or has access to financial resources. When I think about this assumption in relation to my own values, I found myself wondering if I would spend money on clothes, etc. in the same way if I had more resources. I love to go shopping for and wear nice clothes, shoes, and jewelry. And a manicure is something I always enjoy. But, I don’t have the ability to spend lots of money on these items since food, rent, and school expenses have to come first. As I thought more deeply about this I concluded that while I might be inclined to expand my clothing allowance if resources were more plentiful, I’m just as likely to add other items to my budget such as travel or going out for nice meals.