A primary way I experience embodiment in my everyday life is through clothing. Clothing is extremely gendered in our society, which is why somebody’s clothing can provide you with a lot of clues about what gender they identify with. I currently identify as a woman, but I feel myself moving closer and closer toward a non-binary identity everyday. For this reason, my pronouns are she/they, and the daily choices I make in terms of how I style myself are very closely tied to the gender I wake up feeling connected to. In other words, the way I dress is often an embodiment of what gender I choose to identify with on any given day. This is one way of how I “do gender”. The way I dress has a huge impact on what gender I feel as though I’m embodying. My mannerisms and the way I carry myself varies and I’ve noticed that I am treated a lot differently by those around me. I’ve noticed that I often go through phases where I’ll identify more closely with one gender over another and when the way I style myself doesn’t align with how I’m feeling internally I experience gender dysphoria. My sexuality is another central factor in this aspect of my embodiment.
I identify as queer in a general sense but in terms of my sexuality, I indentify as bi/pansexual. The image with the rainbow that represents the embodiment of queer pride is a really important symbol for me. I view sexuality as a fluid spectrum which allows me to move beyond binary understandings of gender and sexuality. That being said, being situated in a very binaristic society makes it extremely difficult to transcend gendered messages altogether. I’ve noticed that the fluctuation of what gender I gravitate towards embodying myself, is closely tied to which genders I am currently gravitating more towards from a sexual and romantic sense. On days when I’m more into men that embody more traditional masculinity, I tend to feel more connected to embodying hegemonic femininity. The same is generally true when I’m gravitating more towards women that embody masculinity as well. While I embrace and celebrate my capability to navigate embodiment in such a fluid manner, I think it’s important to recognize the various levels of privilege that allow this. My whiteness, thinness, class, and ability are all privileges that contribute to the ease associated with my fluid embodiment.
Being white and of European descent means that my natural features are often aesthetically privileged and closely align with beauty ideals which is a privilege that individuals of many other races are not afforded. On a similar note, my skin tone is never lacking representation in mainstream media, and beauty/fashion campaigns which is a privilege I often take for granted. This brings me to the image from the homepage of the Australian clothing brand Princess Polly that I included in my photoblog. The vast majority of the models featured across the entire website are extremely thin and have a light, but tanned, skin tone. This privileges me because I know that if I were to order something from this website, there’s not much risk since I know it will fit me similarly to how it fits the models. This is a huge privilege in the beauty world that I often take for granted. Similarly, my thinness aligns with body ideals in fashion which means that I have the privilege of being able to pull off most styles without my body size compromising the aesthetic. My middle-class standing is another major privilege in terms of my embodiment related to clothing. The fluidity of my embodiment depends pretty heavily on my ability to afford clothing of many different styles. This applies to makeup as well as the cost of cosmetics adds up extremely quickly. I know without a doubt that I would experience a lot more dysphoria related to my embodiment if I was not able to afford the clothing and cosmetics that aligns with my varying gender expression. Lastly, being an able-bodied person is another aspect of my identity that privileges my embodiment in many, many ways, but in the context of beauty I am privileged in having the mobility and dexterity to carry out the complex and intricate styles of makeup I often participate in.
I have a similar relationship with makeup that I have with clothing. I’ve always loved the process of putting on makeup and it’s somewhat of an art form for me. I love experimenting with colorful eyeshadow and eyeliner, and getting creative with color-blocking and graphic liner. Similar to clothing, the way I style my makeup also plays a significant role in my embodiment. On days when I want to embody masculinity, I often use makeup to sharpen my natural features to appear more masculine and tend to gravitate toward sharp, black eyeliner liner. On days when I want to embody femininity, I use a lot more color and go heavy with blush and highlight. While makeup is easily my favorite way of “doing gender”, and can be very gender affirming, there are certainly downsides that are reflected in the course readings. The concept of aesthetic labor and aesthetic rest both resonated very strongly with my own experiences of embodiment. I would certainly consider the amount of energy, money, and time I have spent learning how to properly use makeup to be significant. Additionally, I have sensitive skin and certain products that I really like using will cause my skin to break-out which prompts me to consider my usage and engage in periods of aesthetic rest. While I have previously considered much of what I’ve discussed in this essay, It wasn’t until this reflection that I realized how significant a role these aspects of my positionality play in my embodied experience. I am grateful for this opportunity to reflect on my experiences and privileges as well as for what I have learned from this course.
I took this image on Valentines Day and chose to include it in my photoblog because this gift from my partner is an example of the physical embodiment of their love for me. In the institution of dating/relationships within our culture and society, flowers are a highly common way of showing love and affection. To receive flowers is to hold the tangible embodiment of love in your hands.
I took an image of this digital clock and chose to include it in my photoblog because of how clocks are the embodiment of time. The significance of this is in the way that clocks are tools that play an extremely significant central role in the structuring of our society. This is especially true in institutions such as school and work.
This is a photo of the website homepage for one of the clothing brands I frequently shop at. I chose to include this image in my photoblog because I want to further discuss the very limited way that femininity and beauty are embodied by the models in this image. My discussion of this image will be grounded in the theory of intersectionality and will consider the message this webpage is sending to its audience.
I took this photo and chose to include it in my photoblog because of the way each of these two outfits embodies either masculinity or femininity. For me, the outfit on the right embodies femininity. The outfit on the left is something I might wear on any given day in which I wake up feeling more closely connected to my masculine side and want to express my gender through the embodiment of masculinity.
I took this photo and chose to include it in my photoblog because of the significance and connection I have to rainbows. For me, and many queer folks, rainbows are the embodiment of queer pride. Within the queer community, rainbows appearing as clothing items, stickers, photos, pins, etc., are a way of signifying a queer identity to others and often help facilitate queer connection and community.
I chose this photo because applying makeup is nearly an everyday process through which I perform the embodiment of gender. For me, makeup is a facilitator of feminine embodiment and something I’ve utilized since middle school. I consider myself an artist, and makeup has become one of my favorite medias through which I can express my creativity and individuality.