Do you ever get scared or unsure about your long-term relationship with your high school sweetheart?

I’ve been dating my boyfriend since my junior year of college, so almost 5 years total. In that time we’ve both matured and changed so much, and of course we’ve also had our ups and downs. At this point it’s crazy to think that we’ve been living together for almost 3 years and we’re basically like an old married couple. We’re super co-dependent, but in a good way. We’ve done everything together for four of those years. We’re so completely comfortable around each other to the point that it’s kind of weird. I mean yesterday, he farted on me. So I licked his face, and we laughed. We’re moving to Korea together for a couple years to teach English, which is crazy. That makes me feel really old.

But yeah, it’s scary. Certain times more so than other times. Sometimes I’ll get kind of freaked out about the fact that we’re both in silent, and sometimes casually spoken agreement that we’ll get married someday. At this point, this is it, you know? I couldn’t imagine my life without him, and at the same time it terrifies me because life is a long time! Sometimes I feel like a bad person because he’s so completely happy and satisfied with me, no second thoughts. But me, I’ve done things I regret that have hurt him that I feel terrible about, but at the same time I feel like if I hadn’t, it would’ve happened eventually. I’m not sure if that’s me being a bad person, or just being human. I wish it wasn’t human. I really wish I could have no second thoughts, no doubts, because I do love him so, so much. If there’s such a thing as a soul mate, this seems like it. But I mean, he’s all I really know, so how would I know if he’s my soul mate? Maybe we have more than one soul mate, maybe there’s no such thing as a soul mate.

We were each others firsts, if you know what I mean. And that’s a crazy thing, to think at 22 that you’re going to marry the person you lost your virginity to. I still haven’t quite figured it out, but right now I’m happy. I know once in a while I’ll get that feeling of slight regret that I never did the “college” thing, and went on a bunch of dates with other people and experimented, whatever. I’ll never really know if there was someone out there better for me. That I’m not as concerned about. When that thought crosses my mind, I just think, hey, I was just lucky enough to find someone I love right off the bat. I didn’t have to go through a bunch of searching and heartbreak like I hear about from my friends.

What scares the hell out of me is, will I still feel this way in 5 years? 10? 20? 50? I see new couples among my friends going through the “honeymoon” phase, where every text from that person you like makes your heart skip a beat, and you take a breath before you open it up. It’s silly really, but it’s cute, and I love that first part of a relationship. I loved that when I went through it with Corey, and it makes me sad that I’ll never experience that again. That’s what I struggle with. But again, I just tell myself, you’re lucky. We have a wonderful relationship, and he loves me fully and completely, and I still can’t believe how completely set on me he is. He doesn’t understand what I go through, and I try not to let it show. I know what we have is something deeper and greater than frivolous relationships and flirting at bars. I just hope as I get older, I’ll become completely content with what I have, without a single doubt.