http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2012/07/30/120730fa_fact_remnick?currentPage=all

WE ARE ALIVE

Bruce Springsteen at sixty-two

BY DAVID REMNICK

I was intrigued by the lead of this story because Remnick does a really good job of setting the scene and revealing context with a short anecdote. He also explains early in the piece what differentiates Springsteen from other rock and roll artists and what he has done to set himself apart. Then there are more anecdotes and scenes that are written and described so well you feel like you are a part of them.

“The twelve-hundred-acre property is now a ghost town inhabited only by steel dummies meant to scare off the ubiquitous Canada geese that squirt a carpet of green across middle Jersey.”

“Musicians stood onstage noodling on their instruments with the languid air of outfielders warming up in the sun.”

He also uses great quotes from Springsteen and from people who knew him and worked with him to illuminate his demeanor, his work ethic, and passion for the spirit of music.

Remnick focuses on many specific parts of Springsteen’s life so this profile is very long but I think Remnick does a good job of balancing stories from long ago to stories from a few years ago. Although after a while it started to get repetitive.

The profile had a strong ending because it brought the reader to present day with a cute anecdote about Springsteen having to have the name of the city he is playing at on the step before he goes on stage. This was a good way to end because the reader is left with an image of all the cities and lives lit up by Bruce.

Marlen Esparza:
Going the Distance

Nathaniel Rich

This article starts out with an anecdote but instead of just describing the scene there is great dialogue between Marlen Esparza when she was a girl and Rudy Silva the head coach of Houston’s boxing gym.

The next paragraph tells you why Esparza is such a big deal. I don’t know anything about boxing but Rich does a nice job by comparing different boxing ranks.

Then we are introduced to Esparza after she came in first at the Olympic trials and was going to the debut of Women’s boxing at the London Games. The quotes from Esparza and her father work well here and help the story transition into the subject of their family. We get to see where Esparza’s interest in boxing came from and her family’s reaction. I liked the brief quip about the quinceañera necklace.

I found the descriptions of Esparza compelling, for example “her high, carbonated laugh”.  I also liked the fact that the description of her training regime was not very long or overly descriptive.

I think my favorite part of the article was the description of Esparza’s backup plan after the Olympics.

“If no major offers materialize after the Games, Esparza will attend college and then medical school, where she intends to pursue an unlikely field. After a dozen years of delivering pain, physical and psychological, to other fighters, she hopes to be an anesthesiologist.”

The end of this profile is successful because it brings the story full circle by putting us back in the gym with Esparza showing the reader how far she has come when she was first noticed by Silva as a child “the way a bull might notice a fly buzzing around its snout.”

“The Face of Facebook” by Jose Antonio Vargas, The New Yorker

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2010/09/20/100920fa_fact_vargas?currentPage=all

I was not exactly at the edge of my seat when I read the lead of this profile story. This was perhaps because the profile topic did not need an engaging lead to make the reader want to read more about the subject. I chose this article to analyze because it was on a person every Internet user knows: Mark Zuckerberg.

What struck me the most about this article was how involved the reporter, Jose Antonio Vargas, was not only behind the scenes, but in the actual article as well. First person language was used quite frequently in the article and I was sort of confused as to what the point of that was. The reasoning became clear when there were parts in the article that would be difficult to explain without including the reporter’s presence. The most significant part was when Vargas was discussing the sharing of personal information with others and how his own sexual orientation was revealed to many people because of Facebook.

I enjoyed the modest ways that Vargas used to describe Zuckerberg’s personality, but his work ethic and business goal as well. From the beginning, Vargas states that Zuckerberg’s goal was to make the Internet and social media more “open.” One example of Vargas’ execution of describing this concept was when he described Facebook’s office building in Palo Alto, Ca. He described the office as one giant room with many tables, instead of cubicles. He also made a point of mentioning that Zuckerberg’s desk was in the middle of the entire room. I also loved how Vargas compared Zuckerberg’s way of speaking with “instant messaging: brusque, flat as dial tone.”

The language and tone of the article was appropriate and well done. A lot of the times, articles are too cluttered with fancy language and sometimes clouds and distracts from the actual point. I thought this article did a pleasant job of being straight and to-the-point about everything he discussed.

I appreciated the many, many sources that Vargas included to help color and support the story. However, he used the sources in places that I felt it would be better if the profile subject spoke for himself. For example, a fair amount of the profile was dedicated to addressing how Zuckerberg was accused of stealing ideas from his former friends and employees. Instead of showing Zuckerberg’s response (if any), he relied on Facebook’s vice president of product to speak on his behalf.

The ending of the article was well done. Although it mentioned the reporter, it was a good summation of the type of person Zuckerberg is. Ironically, the profile concluded by making Zuckerberg seem more mysterious when the point of a profile article is to reveal rather than further the lack of knowledge the reader had to begin with.

“A Muslim Leader in Brooklyn, Reconciling 2 Worlds” by Andrea Elliott, New York Times

http://www.pulitzer.org/archives/7138

I absolutely loved this profile. Although it was not perfectly executed, in my opinion it was an excellent example of what a profile article is supposed to do. It introduced me to a person that I never really thought of that represented a larger issue in society.

It is a story about one of America’s imams (a religious confidante), Sheik Reda Shata, an Egyptian Muslim man who immigrated to America after the Sept 11 attacks. Although it was a story about this particular religious man, it was a window into the lives of a religion that is so easily stereotyped and overlooked in today’s society. It not only depicted what I hope was an accurate portrayal, but it also exposed the constant friction the religion had with the cultural customs of the Western world.

The narrative structure was the most significant and striking aspect of this article. It began setting the scene and describing Shata’s appearance and normal day-to-day activities, which included sorting through others’ problems and leading prayer. It then transitioned to his childhood history and background up until the point where he moved to America to be an imam for the people in the Brooklyn area. Each anecdote swirled around another aspect of dealing with conflicting world cultures and in my opinion, was done very well.

It was the ending scene that I felt was very interesting. It ended with the author Andrea Elliott reporting that Shata collapsed during prayer in a mosque. It was interesting how the entire article built up all this tension to the end where Shata suffered from “compassion fatigue.”

I thought the author’s decision to describe Shata sporadically throughout the article was very interesting. I think it kept the reader interested, and would give a breath of life into the story every time you found out something new about Shata. For example, Elliott only started describing his personality until the middle of the article and described his actual take on balancing Western culture with Islam near the end. Although I am not sure if I agree with the actual order of the descriptions and anecdotes, I do appreciate the idea of spreading them out throughout the profile to make it more interesting.

http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/culturebox/2010/08/kanye_west_has_a_goblet.3.html

Kanye West Has a Goblet by Jonah Weiner

I was drawn to this story because I already really really dislike Kanye. Honestly, this story only confirmed my feelings.

I thought the organization of the story was logical, although it seemed almost nonsensical. I’m not so sure what the writer’s point was. It seems to be saying that Kanye is just in his own little world of ups and downs. But I’m really not sure. I liked the closing because it showed Kanye’s obsessive focus on image and how he just seems to brush certain things off. The image this story gave of Kanye was almost careful. I bet that Kanye had to approve of the story before it went out. I could see in the language and the quotes used how ego-centric Kanye is but the writer didn’t seem to come out and say it.

http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/the-runaway-general-20100622?page=4

The Runaway General by Michael Hastings

This story has awesome writing – I love the voice – but it was so long I got bored quickly. I love the story of Team America in the bar and the interactions of the General with other people. It gave a real image of the guy. But then most of the story was about the war, more so than it is about the General himself. I think that’s what bored me. I laughed several times during the introduction, though. It has great heart. It casts an interesting view of Obama. i sense a bit of distaste in the author.

I find it interesting that both authors inserted themselves into the stories. As students we’re always told to stay away from that as much as possible.

“The American Male at Age Ten”

by Susan Orlean

http://www.courses.vcu.edu/ENG200-dwc/orlean.htm

The introduction begins with very descriptive and precise scene setting. I was able to visualize the subject’s physical appearance and also get a grasp for what he likes and his personality. The visual storytelling was excellent, but I could not tell where the author was leading. Even by the end of the second paragraph, I didn’t know the subject of the piece.

A few paragraphs later, Orlean describes Colin, the subject, using a series of short, simple sentences that relentlessly list off a large chunk of information that does not seem necessary, at least at that point in the profile. It begins to read in a rushed voice and repeating the many of the clauses with ‘he…’ On the other hand, I enjoyed the way Orlean described Colin’s future education plans. She did it in a playful way that showed his personally and the information fell into place.

Throughout the piece, sentences continue to be arbitrarily placed, it seems, as if they were pulled out of a hat until almost half way through the article. The smallest details are mentioned and it really jumps out as a strong and showing paragraph.

“Danny’s Pizzeria is a dark little shop next door to the Montclair Cooperative School. It is not much to look at. Outside, the brick facing is painted muddy brown. Inside, there are some saggy counters, a splintered bench, and enough room for either six teenagers or about a dozen ten-year-olds who happen to be getting along well. The light is low. The air is oily. At Danny’s, you will find pizza, candy, Nintendo, and very few girls. To a ten-year-old boy, it is the most beautiful place in the world.”

I also found it interesting that the author chose to focus a dialogue and two healthy paragraphs on the Street Fighter game. Its importance to Colin is evident, but I found that a lot of space, too much in this case, was dedicated to the game.

As the story continued I found myself torn between if the style worked for the subject or not. I understood that the author tried to emulate the thought process of a 10-year-old child, specifically Colin, but the style of choppy writing made it difficult to get into; however, my favorite part of the story was the last paragraph. I didn’t understand the main point of the profile and it didn’t answer the So What? question, but it was brilliantly written:

“It was almost too dark to see much of anything, although now and again the light from the deck would glance off a length of line, and it would glint and sparkle. “That’s the point,” he said. “You could do it with thread, but the fishing line is invisible. Now I have this perfect thing and the only one who knows about it is me.” With that, he dropped the spool, skipped up the stairs of the deck, threw open the screen door, and then bounded into the house, leaving me and Sally the dog trapped in his web.”

“Kanye West Has a Goblet”

by Jonah Weiner

http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/culturebox/2010/08/kanye_west_has_a_goblet.single.html

The hook of this profile did not work in this case. It was really out of place and seemed to serve no function in getting into the real story. The second graf, however, was very well written, concise, and informative. I also found the author’s use of quotes effective and tasteful. I like how the author set up the backstory on West’s experience with journalists and why he takes the extreme measures to avoid being misquoted. Before we read the profile, we already have a good sense of him.

Even though the quotes become slightly more scarce, the author varies the length and tone of each.  Sometimes he says he doesn’t want to be “’limited by the art form of rap,’ and sometimes he sets his sights higher and says he doesn’t want to be limited by the 21^st century: ‘When I think of competition it’s like I try to create against the past. I think about Michelangelo and Picasso, you know, the pyramids,’ he says.”

When describing important moments in his life, Weiner also brings in and references the current events at the time. This was helpful to clarify the timeline and also to know how these events effected West and his decisions.

By then end of the profile, I was really able to appreciate the underlying tones and  highly subtle attitude of the author that slipped through. It appeared that even though the author’s voice isn’t supposed to show, Weiner’s bias made appearances in how he quoted and in his sentence structures.

“At his apartment today, West says he’s ‘working on being a doper person,’ but he seems to be feeling pretty dope as it is. ‘This is gonna be a dope ass day,’ he says. ‘Life is awesome,’ hesays. ‘I love me,’ he says.”

“When West says something like ‘I love me,’ the words carry some irony. One of his favorite fictional characters is Ron Burgundy, from Anchorman—an arrogant, preening blowhard who exults in his stupidity, blissfully unaware of how ridiculous he is. When West raps, ‘I don’t know how to put this, but I’m kind of a big deal,’ quoting from Anchorman, it’s both a boast and a parody of one.”

As a reader, I was able to pick out the humor in it even though the author’s intentions were not aimed to be outwardly funny. He was able to stick to the quotes and not disfigure West’s image, while still using his own voice and observations.

http://portlandmonthlymag.com/arts-and-entertainment/articles/paperback-rider-novelist-september-2012

“Paperback Rider”

By Zack Dundas, Portland Monthly Magazine

I thought this profile was very well written – especially in the lead. It begins with the line “on a recent summer evening,” which allows the author to elaborate and paint a picture of the profile subject. The article feels like a vintage snapshot of Schneider’s life, instead of a boring piece about a guy who rides bikes and writes about it.

In the second graf, we get a glimpse of the bike he rides. The author then dives into the meat of the story. He writes, “The 33-year-old, who works for the bookish nonprofit Literary Arts, has carved out his own niche in the local writing scene by chronicling modest but gilded two-wheeled experiences like this one.” I love this excerpt because it’s informative while maintaining animated and interesting writing.

The following grafs focus on his occupation in more detail. The third and fourth grafs shed light on his slightly cynical view of road maintenance and how the bike is the ultimate tool for sustainability and appreciation for life. The author’s conclusion of the story is also well done – in that it concludes with a bite and another clue of the subject’s personality. He writes, “Not that Schneider doesn’t love that simple machine. “We just rode across a major American city in, like, 15 minutes,” he noted. “That’s pretty amazing.” Overall, very solid article and great feature writing.

_______________________

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/21/nyregion/former-diplomat-flees-chad-and-finds-new-life-in-queens.html?ref=todayspaper&_r=0

“Former diplomat flees chad and finds new life in Queens”

By Thomas Gaffney, New York Times

While the world-renowned New York Times writes this article, I’m not a fan of its construction. The article begins with a quote from the profile subject, which I believe makes the article un-relatable. Yes, the lead explains that he was a former United Nations diplomat. However overall I believe it’s a weak that has great potential to be really interesting. I’m especially disappointed that the real captivating story isn’t revealed until the third graf. I feel that the first two grafs really lose readers.

The middle grafs are a tad bit better. They flow from idea to idea – from the photos in his current apartment to the food stamps he now receives to make ends meet. These are well constructed in that each graf has a new idea, but begins with information that relates to the previous. The final few grafs indicate what Laotegguelnodji plans to do in the future. The conclusion jumps to the present, where he greets his neighbor and explains an expression they use in Chad relating to neighbors.

Profile Analysis

Haley Martin

“The Bravest Woman in Seattle,” by Eli Sanders

http://www.pulitzer.org/files/2012/feature_writing/strangerbravestwoman.pdf

This profile was extremely compelling and well written. Even though it was graphic and a disturbing topic, it engaged the reader with emotion and suspense. The writer used a scenario/shock lead that captured my interest right away. He set the scene of what happened in the bedroom right off the bat. He also introduced us to the scene in the courtroom and shows why the profile subject is “the bravest woman in Seattle”: because she has to testify about her partner who was raped and murdered right in front of her. I also thought the profiles structure worked well, adding more and more detail throughout the piece using suspense such as, “don’t get too excited, that was just round one.” The writers pacing was crucial to the telling of this story.

The writer also did a nice job of showing the woman’s strength. I like that he continued with the theme that she was being strong for her partner and that she needed to that in order for the man to receive his proper punishment. The conclusion left me with chills: “I love you Teresa! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!”

This article definitely kept my interest and the writer incorporated great anecdotes and action verbs that kept the story moving without any dull moments.

“Being James Brown,” By Jonathan Lethen

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/being-james-brown-rolling-stones-2006-cover-story-20101224?print=true

Sometimes I felt like the writer’s word constructions were a bit repetitive. For example, “When James Brown enters the recording studio, the recording studio becomes a stage.” This is just one instance, but I found a few others that kind of slowed me down as well. He used such great description, but at times it was a bit much. I found the style of writing to be a little too wordy which made me lose my flow and attention at times.

It is evident that the writer spent a great amount of time with Brown and his band, which is why this profile turned out so well. In order to write an accurate profile of someone, I think it is imperative to observe the subject in all kinds of settings, situations, etc. I like how the writer used satellite sources and described how other reacted to Brown and his affect on those around him. A great profile should include multiple perspectives in order to truly show the subject’s personality and how they are viewed.

Although this piece was quite long, Lethem kept my interest throughout because he was showing me a side of Brown that was clearly only displayed because the writer had the privilege of spending so much time with him. He wrapped it up nicely by bringing us back to the concert and tying it back to the introduction

 By Laetitia Béraud.

• Business Profile : New attorney finds her niche in immigration law, by Jane Burek for The Register-Guard

This is a short newspaper profile. It most likely explains the lack of details, expecially a description of the office of the new attorney. The lead anounces perfectly what is coming. The journalist uses background information effectively to explain the particularity of this new attorney’s job. There is no scene described, nor dialog. The only source is Andersen, the new attorney.

I like the second part of the article better. The first part focuses on immigration laws, whereas the second part tells us about how Andersen’s personal background affected her choice in life and still affects her job today. There is a good balance between general information about immigration laws and Andersen’s point of view.

The ending is nice, the journalist tells us what Andersen’s would like to see happening in the future for immigrants. It would have been nice to have at least another source, a client, or a member of the family. The writing style is ok, nothing special.

• Principled and Pragmatic, as activist, volunteer and dad, William Gates Sr. leads by doing, by Paula Bock, for The Pacific Northwest magazine

This is a  magazine profile story. There are a lot of anecdotes, scenes, sources, this must have taken for ever for the journalist but when you are done with the article you have a very precise idea of what kind of person William Gates Sr. is.

The lead grabed me almost immediately. It’s a mix of everyday life things and what makes him an extraordinary person. You are intrigued, you have to continue. The description is detailed, with insights from Gates Sr. himself.

The writing style is enjoyable. We are given many details, about his life, and every detail is carefully reported by someone close to him. There are many sources, Gates Sr., family members, friends, colleagues. This must have taken a long time.

I like how the writer puts things together, Gates Sr.’s personal convictions and how they manifest in his life. Because of the length, we have a great panorama of many aspects of his life: personal and profesionnal. The story is jumping from one topic to another, but there is always a transition. The writer did a remarquable job on the structure.

He is an old man, the journalist finishes the article with the legacy Gates Sr. wishes to leave. It’s a thoughful and powerful ending.

The quiz will cover assigned text chaps, “The Essential Man,” and the stories posted on the Manti T’eo hoax. The Nieman Story Board examples just show you how experts critique experts.

http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/culturebox/2010/08/kanye_west_has_a_goblet.html

http://www.courses.vcu.edu/ENG200-dwc/orlean.htm

http://www.outsideonline.com/outdoor-adventure/climbing/rock-climbing/No-Strings-Attached.html

http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/the-runaway-general-20100622

Profile Candidate assignment:

Find three individuals you think might make good profile candidates. Observe or speak to them (briefly), or to people who know them. Write up a brief pitch for each candidate defending why they would make a good profile subject. Use the criteria on pp. 173 – 174 in our text to support your choice.

Email me your pitches by class time Tuesday, plus bring a paper copy of your pitches with you. You will act as the New Westerners’ editing board for your classmates’ pitches.