Calculus. 50 minutes of copying notes strait off the chalkboard. I’ve taken the class before, so I sit and listen to the GTF throw endless amounts of jumbled information at us and wonder how anyone possibly has time to actually grasp what is being taught. I can’t help but think about how grateful I am to already know what is happening because I know if I didn’t I would be entirely lost and need to put in copious amounts of hours with tutors. I want to be paying attention because I want to succeed in this class, but listening to his lectures makes all the information I do know seem foreign. Maybe it’s the fact that I can barely decipher the GTF’s handwriting or the fact that a lecture style class environment has never held my attention well. I notice myself accepting defeat and tell myself that I will have to go to TLC tutoring in order to bridge the gaps in my understanding of what exactly he is expecting out of us week 1. Once I have made this decision in my head my hand seems as if it is on autopilot and my brain begins to wonder.
At fist I start thinking about my schedule and all the other tasks I need to accomplish that day. I make mental notes about when I plan to do my Anatomy and Physiology homework. Then I go off on a rant thinking about how much I enjoy those classes. The active teaching style makes the classes sail right by.
I check the time on my phone. Only 20 minutes have passed and I still have 30 minutes to go. I get disappointed in myself because I checked out and accepted defeat way earlier than I normally would.
Now I’m checking Instagram and Facebook in between writing down different examples in my notebook. Everyone looks like they’re out enjoying their first week of school. I have a strong desire to join, but know that I have way too much to do school related and that I will be spending most of my night in the library. I’ve now exhausted my social medias and try to focus again.
The GTF is now trying to explain definite integrals, but I notice that he’s skipping over a vital step that he hasn’t taught the class yet. I look around and the entire class looks extremely puzzled. Five minutes later he explains the missing step and I watch as light bulbs go off in other students’ heads.
Buzz Buzz. Someone has texted me. I check it immediately because my lack of interest allows me to accept any excuse to not fully pay attention. I check the time as I unlock my phone. 10 more minutes left, I can do this. I engage myself in this texting conversation between writing down different rules about how to manipulate definite integrals.
The class gets out early and a sense of relief washes over me. I walk out of the building with another girl in my class. She seemed to have similar issues about focusing specifically in this calc class. We make plans to study together sometime over the weekend and I head off to the library to give my best attempt at focusing in a different subject.
I can totally relate to almost everything you said. I took calculus over the summer and it was a painful two hours every single day. I zoned out for at least half of the class and instead was on social media instead of paying attention, which made studying for exams so difficult. I advise you to go to the tutors because you want to succeed in the class because they are so helpful. I wish you the best of luck in the class!