This week my distraction came in the form of extreme anxiety about my impending summer break.

 

I feel as though for most people, summer break is something fun and exciting to look forward to. For me, summer means finding a full time job to work at for 3 months. I’ve sent in numerous applications online, but I find that most businesses want in-person contact. That’s a tough one to maneuver considering I live in a different area code.

 

So as I’m going about my week, already stressed for finals, there is this little gnawing voice in my head wondering if I am doing enough. Maybe I should apply for an internship, or maybe I should make more phone calls to businesses in my hometown? In this past term of documenting my distractions, I have come to the realization that most of them manifest in the form of thought, rather than technology.

 

If I’m not carrying out a conversation with somebody, I guarantee that I am having some sort of internal monologue. This happens so severely that at times I’ll realize I’m chuckling to myself or am physically shaking my head. Everything that I do or the people around me do is observed, analyzed, and diagnosed. I realize this probably stems from some kind of serious control issue, but simply acknowledging it doesn’t make it stop.

 

I’m trying this new thing where I am 100% present in the now, but how do you shut off a particular piece of your brain and not all of it?