Well, I am nearing the end of the SNAP Challenge, and I am back to wondering whether there’s really any added benefit of actually going through the challenge, rather than just considering what it might be like. Part of me thinks this might be due to a lack of proper dedication on my part- I have cheated easily and frequently on the challenge, due mostly to the simple fact that it was within my means to do so. But, more importantly, I don’t believe the SNAP Challenge gives anywhere near an adequate picture of what it is like to live on SNAP, with its attendant time commitment and opportunities for emotional degradation (which were beautifully expressed in another student’s posts).

Because I do not have the financial need to stick within my proposed budget, staying within it has become less a matter of solidarity or experiencing what others may experience (which, as stated above, is an inaccurate premise anyway) and more a matter of deprivation for the sake of my goal, ie. fulfilling the Challenge.

In this sense, participating in this challenge has felt more like being on a diet than anything else, with the same feelings of guilt and shame for “cheating”. As I sat there eating my Swedish fish on Day 3, seemingly unable to stop myself, I was reminded of being in high school and feeling similar shame for not being able to say no to a donut that was offered to me in Algebra class.* This is not what this challenge is supposed to be about, but all I can think about is my inability to deprive myself in the service of a broader goal.

A part of me wonders if my experience of the Challenge would be different had I come to it on my own, rather than doing it for the sake of a college course. This in itself is also a bit of a false presence, because I would never have taken part in this challenge in the first place (due mostly to the emotional ties to food to which I alluded in a previous post**). I do think, however, that I would have come out on the other side of it feeling completely differently, patting myself on the back for accomplishing my goal (or, more likely, berating myself for not meeting it) rather than realizing that the goal itself is ultimately futile.

 

*It’s crazy that the shame I felt was so strong, I still remember the class that it occurred in.

**Again, privilege at work, I want so badly to say, “The hanger is real,” but it feels like an insult to people who do experience food insecurity and hunger on a daily basis.