Tree Rot
A reflection by Aimee Schultz

As I sit here on this long fallen Douglas fir surrounded by both things dead and alive I can see the uninhibited beauty of a system not dictated by control. All around me life is unconfined. Organisms of all kinds saturate the ground and air that is in my midst. I’m not alone. I quickly realize there are pieces of moss glued to my clothing holding on for dear life. As if they’re hoping I’ll take them somewhere new when I inevitably leave this place. I’ve even had quite a couple visitors during my stay, such as ants and other invertebrates that have come to check if I’m an intruder in their long-lived home. All around me life flourishes.

I seem to come from a place where control is a means of success. I find myself controlling my habits, productivity, voice, activities and thoughts all the way down to what I consume on a daily basis. Without a sense of control what would I be? But being here now I believe one could argue that this place, right here, represents the true meaning of freedom. Nothing here is controlled in a traditional sense. The sky reaching trees fall without dictation. Moss and lichens grow wherever it is opportunistic. All walks of life in this forest do what they must in order to survive and it works. From a far standing view it seems this place is built on chaos. There is no universal communication. There are no plans. Things happen and it works. I feel an unwarranted sense of envy building strongly in my gut but it is quickly subdued by an overwhelming feeling of awe. A small feathered friend perches on my log with me and for a brief moment it appears like we have an understanding. He looks at me with a sense of caution but soon seems to realize I’m of no threat and he continues on his way. The beautiful thing about this place is that it doesn’t worry about what tomorrow will bring. It just is what it is and it functions.

One can learn a lot about the world in a place like this… Or perhaps nothing at all. I believe it all depends on how far you’re willing to dig. I scoop my hand down into a rotten log withering away on the side of my Douglas fir. Hoping I’ll find some sort of amphibian I’m quickly disappointed that this former tree is barren. I rub the dirt and tree rot off on the side of my pants. I look up and pause. Rays of sun have pierced the canopy above me and shine warmly on my face. The sensation radiates throughout me. How beautiful it is that this place works, I think silently to myself. And for just a blip in time my mind is wiped clean of deadlines, calendars, planning and stress. I feel present for the first time in a long time. Not consumed by the thoughts of tomorrow or yesterday. A weight I didn’t even realize was there lifts off my chest. I inhale deeply filling my lungs with crisp morning air. My focus is drawn to the stream I hear crackling in the distance and the chorus of nature that seems to have grown louder. All my senses are awakened. I feel energized and anew- as if nothing in the world mattered expect for this microscopic moment in time. Unbeknownst to me a buoyant smile has spread across my face. But just as quickly as it happened the moment is over. I find myself forcefully jolted back to reality by the sound of twigs and leaves snapping under the urgency of someone’s shoes. Time’s up.