Temple Grandin, “My Experiences as an Autistic Child and Review of Selected Literature,” Journal of Orthomolecular Psychiatry 13, no. 3 (1984):144-74.
Complete original source available here.
In this remarkable article, written years before she became famous and long before first-person narratives about autism appeared in print, Temple Grandin described and interpreted her own experience as an autistic individual, paying special attention to the quality of visual thinking. That Grandin decided to publish these reflections in a scientific journal suggests that she considered it important to reach researchers and clinicians. It is evident that Grandin was well versed in the research literature on sensory deprivation as well as neurological development. Her confidence that constructive solutions for individuals with autism would be found in biology—rather than psychology—illustrates how far psychogenesis had retreated by the 1980s. Presenting herself as both a subject of psychological testing and an individual familiar with up-to-date scientific knowledge allowed Grandin to address her audience with unique authority.
Temple Grandin
Introduction
Did you ever wonder what an autistic child is thinking? I was a partially autistic child and I will try to provide you with some insight….
At the age of 1½ to 3 I had many of the standard autistic behaviors such as fixation on spinning objects, refusing to be touched or held, preferring to be alone, destructive behavior, temper tantrums, inability to speak, sensitivity to sudden noises, appearance of deafness, and an intense interest in odors. I was the first child in a family of four and my mother took me to a neurologist to be examined because I did not act like the little girls next door….
At the age of 3 to 3½ my behavior greatly improved, but I did not learn to speak until 3½…. When I finally started to speak the words were heavily stressed such as “bah” for “ball.” I remember being able to understand everything that people said to me, but I could not speak back. Screaming and flapping my hands was the only way I could reply….
In college I was on the Dean’s honor list, but getting through the foreign language requirement was difficult. I scraped by with Ds and Cs. Learning sequential things such as math was also very hard. My mind is completely visual and spatial work such as drawing is easy…. Every piece of information I have memorized is visual. If I have to remember an abstract concept I “see” the page of the book or my notes in my mind and “read” information from it. Melodies are the only things I can memorize without a visual image…. When I think about abstract concepts such as human relationships I use visual similes. For example, relationships between people are like a glass sliding door. The door must be opened gently, if it is kicked it may shatter….
Studies of autistic children by many different researchers indicate the visual spatial nature of the autistic mind. Autistic and deaf children both handle numbers as if they were a visual display. They recall numbers from left to right instead of from first to last. I imagine the numbers written down on a piece of paper in a horizontal row and read from left to right….
During December 1982, I had a series of tests to determine my abilities and handicaps…. On the Spatial Reasoning test my performance was at the top of the norms….
When I design equipment it takes time to form the visual image. The image gradually grows while I draw. At first the task of designing a cattle feedlot may seem complex, but then the pieces come together and it becomes simple. When the entire image is formed, I can place cattle and people in it and imagine how they will behave under different situations. I can rotate the image and make it move like a movie. I can’t imagine what non-visual thinking would be like….
My scores were in the superior range for Memory for sentences, Picture Vocabulary and Antonyms-Synonyms. Memory for sentences was easy because I could make a visual image in my mind of the subject of the sentence….
My difficulties on many of the subtests [Blending, Visual Auditory Learning, Analysis Synthesis, and Concept Formation] stemmed from the inability to hold one piece of information in my mind while I manipulated another piece of information. I have many dyslexic traits….
Visual Thinking
Visual thinking is an asset for an equipment designer…. I have observed many incidents in industry where a brilliant maintenance man with a high school education designs a piece of equipment after all the PhD engineers have failed. He may be an unrecognized visual thinker….
Effects of Tactile Deprivation in Humans
Many observers have reported that babies raised in institutions fail to thrive unless they receive cuddling…. My mother told me that when I was an infant she felt “snubbed” because I did not want to be cuddled at 3-4 months of age. This is one of the early symptoms of autism….
Deprivation of tactile stimuli will cause hyperactivity, autistic behavior, violence, and aggression. Even negative body contact is better than none….
My Tactile Experiences
From age 3 to 10 I was raised by a governess who almost never hugged or touched either me or my sister. This situation further deprived me of tactile stimulation. When I was 5 years old I craved deep pressure and would daydream about mechanical devices which I could get into and be held by them. I liked wrapping myself in a blanket or getting under sofa cushions, but that did not apply enough pressure. I wanted more pressure. At the age of 8 I liked to wear cardboard posters like a sandwich because I enjoyed the pressure of the boards against my body….
At the age of 18 I built a squeezing machine. It took a long time to learn to accept the feeling of being held and not try to pull away from the squeezing machine. I could barely tolerate being touched, and I would stiffen up, flinch, and jerk away. One day about twelve years ago, Siamese cat’s reaction to me changed after I had used the squeeze machine. This cat used to run from me, but after using the machine I learned to pet the cat more gently and he decided to stay with me. I had to be comforted myself before I could give comfort to the cat…. Twelve years ago I wrote, “I realize that unless I can accept the squeeze machine I will never be able to bestow love on another human being.”….
Grandin’s drawing of her squeeze machine
I speculate that neurotransmitters involved in tactile stimulation such as endorphins and their respective receptor sites on the synapses will increase in numbers gradually in response to a tactile stimulus and gradually decrease in numbers if the stimulus is removed. Maybe a lack of tactile stimulation changes the levels of neurotransmitters in the brain….
Autistics Like Intense Stimulation
Autism may have some of the same effects as sensory deprivation, or raising an animal in a deprived environment. An animal or a person placed in a sensory deprivation chamber craves any type of stimulation. A person will push a lever repeatedly to get stimulation from random light or sound patterns. A rat in sensory deprivation will work just as hard pushing a lever for environmental stimulation as a rat with an electrode in its pleasure center. If the deprived nervous system can’t get stimulation from an outside source than self stimulation will start….
The new frontiers in treating disorders of the brain will be discovered in the laboratories of biological and physiological scientists, and not on the psychiatrist’s couch….