Frances Eberhardy, “The View from ‘the Couch’,” 1967

Frances Eberhardy, “The View from ‘the Couch’,” Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry and Allied Disciplines 8, no. 3-4 (1967):257-63.

Complete original source available here.

This mother responded to a description of Bruno Bettelheim’s book about autism, The Empty Fortress, in Newsweek shortly after that famous book was published in 1967. Her story speaks volumes about the skepticism and obstacles that parents faced when they sought professional help in the 1940s, 1950s, and 1960s. The narrative, which joined a growing number of parent memoirs, was published in a professional journal. That alone illustrated that parents had gained authority to advocate for their children’s needs and demand respect for themselves. The activism of mobilized parents was an important factor in the decline of psychogenesis.


A magazine article on Dr. Bettelheim’s latest book was shown to me, since my son was once an “empty fortress”. The reporter’s first paragraph was as biting as a Wisconsin blizzard. “For the withdrawn and psychotic child, the yellow door (of the Orthogenic School) is their first experience with warmth and brightness.”

Dr. Bettelheim’s own words proved to be no more comforting. “The precipitating factor in infantile autism is the parent’s with that his child should not exist.”

I am willing to take Dr. Bettelheim’s word that he has seen parents who wish that their child should not exist, or mothers like the one who told him that she “thought of him (her son) as a thing rather than a person,” but in the 7 years that I have been active in a parent group for emotionally disturbed children, I have met no such parent. The parents in our organization are no different from the parents of normal children. In fact, with the exception of cases where the disturbed child is an only child, they are the parents of normal children too. And their side of the story should be heard….

To us, Peter our first born, was an unfolding miracle…. Peter nursed eagerly, sat and walked at the expected ages. Yet some of his behavior made us vaguely uneasy. He never put anything in his mouth. Not his fingers nor his toys—nothing….

More troubling was the fact that Peter didn’t look at us, or smile, and wouldn’t play the games that seemed as much a part of babyhood as diapers. While he didn’t cry, he rarely laughed, and when he did, it was at things that didn’t seem funny to us. He didn’t cuddle, but sat upright in my lap, even when I rocked him….

It was Kitty, a personality kid, born 2 years later, whose responsiveness emphasized the degree of Peter’s difference…. Peter’s babbling had not turned into speech by the time he was three. His play was solitary and repetitious. He tore paper into long thin strips, bushelbaskets of it every day. He spun the lids of my canning jars and became upset if we tried to divert him. Only rarely could I catch his eye, and then saw his focus change from me to the reflection in my glasses. It was like trying to pick up mercury with chopsticks….

I took my worries to our pediatrician, as I had earlier, when my complaints were too nebulous to him for take seriously. He did a few rough tests, and said that he didn’t think Peter was retarded, but that he might be deaf…. So we took Peter to an otologist, who too thought Peter might be deaf….

We also went to the university speech clinic where the students studied, taught and tested Peter. They excluded retardation, deafness and aphasia. The director referred me to a psychiatrist.

There was no doubt in her mind. “He has a childhood psychosis. A normal child would be exploring all the corners of my office.”…. I was aghast and unbelieving, but only at first. The material the psychiatrist gave me to read was a description of Peter. What could possibly have caused a psychosis in our baby?….

I sought help at the child guidance centre…. I told my psychiatric social worker about Peter but her questions were directed to me.

How did I get along with my parents, siblings, the people at work?… Had I wanted the baby?… Why had I wanted a baby?… How did I get along with my husband?… How could I expect Peter to be warm when I was so cold to him?…

I alternated between being overwhelmed with guilt, and feeling resentful at being treated like a child who couldn’t face an unpleasant truth…. My self-confidence was fast disappearing….

We felt that we had exhausted the local resources when we had a chance to consult Dr. Leo Kanner of Johns Hopkins Hospital. He said that Peter was autistic…. He recommended the Woods Schools at Langhorne, Pennsylvania…. So we took our slim, handsome son to a school a thousand miles from home and left him with strangers….

Peter spent 9 years at the Woods Schools, coming home for holidays and summers. The improvement came so gradually that we sometimes wondered if it were worth the effort needed to keep him there. But there were no satisfactory alternatives….

How does the parent of any handicapped child explain that he has an extra burden to carry through life? It takes most of us adults a lifetime to develop a philosophy or religious outlook that enables us to live with the inequalities and suffering we see around us. And when the suffering is in your own child, you never really do accept it….

Peter chose his own vocation. He tunes pianos, giving them the same devotion that many teenage boys give their cars. At present he needs help with transportation and arrangements. He does his own book-keeping. He is happy in his work and happy to be home again….

So, Peter’s is a success story. But couldn’t this have been accomplished without so much damage to us?… Wouldn’t it be possible to talk on a personal, friendly basis to parents?….

I never doubted the good intentions of the people who counselled me. But counselling is in its infancy and methods and attitudes can be improved….

Parents want to be treated as partners in the job of helping their troubled children…. Let us not belittle parents, their observations, their abilities. Whoever else works with our children, we are their principal contacts with the world….

It has taken me a long time to find the courage to speak out. We parents have much to learn from you and want to learn it. But if you are going to teach us, you should know how we feel.