Au Revoir France

Entry #6: 8/25/2013 4:00 PM

I am not one for long heartfelt goodbyes. In all honesty I prefer written goodbyes. I cannot say all that there is to say in a teary moment, there’s too much pressure. What if you do not say all that needed to be said? What if the last hug did not last long enough or you forgot to look over your shoulder one more time? I have said hard goodbyes. I do not like it and I hate crying. Life is too short; I try to live strictly off a do-what-you-want kind of mindset. Therefore people, places, foods, situations, and feelings in general that I do not like are usually avoided. I would rather simply not say goodbye or keep it to a casual, “see ya later.” But while I might not always know what to say, I do know how to write. I know how to use words and with words I can express my deepest thoughts and emotions.

If I have learned anything about myself over the past few years, it is that I am not a relationship person. I am bad at relationships and I am unlucky in love. When it comes to love, I fall hard and I fall fast. There is no long trusting friendship that slowly develops into a deep nurturing love story. No. In all honestly, I would rather have the passion and self-turmoil. The incredible highs go hand in hand with the devastating lows. But love was never meant to be mediocre. The more I think about leaving, the more I realize how deeply lost I am to France. With all relationships, after the initial feelings of starstruck infatuation passed there were certain characteristics about France that drove me crazy (and not in a good way). There was the sweltering heat last month and lack of basic air conditioning, the occasional encounters of stereotypic French rudeness, the annoyance with how everything ‘est trop petit’, the bizarre food, and of course the surprising cultural differences.

They say when it comes to love; it is about loving someone for their flaws, not in spite of them. I cannot say I have come to love all of France’s little imperfections. But I have learned to overlook them and love most of France’s quirks anyways.

All I know is that I will never be completely over France. Once a love like this gets under your skin, you never quite shake the feeling.

So to France: the beautiful country and old buildings, the friends I made and random people I annoyed. Thank you. Thank you for letting me fall in love you with you. And I am sorry it is time for goodbye, but all I can say is I promise to return as soon as possible. And one more thing… please take care of my heart, for I’ve lost it to you.

There is one week left of my summer in France and I have a question as well as a challenge… Can you live every second of every day to the fullest? I do not know, but I sure as hell am going to find out.

À bientôt,

Sarah