My appearance has changed dramatically over the years as I have experimented with different styles/looks and the resulting influence it has had on the way the world interacts with me. More often than not, though greatly diversified in terms of representation of look, the quality of look has mostly been the same: counter-culture. This was not always, however, the case.

Growing up I maintained a fairly conventional appearance for a teenage boy located in rural Oregon: short hair, long shorts/appropriately baggy pants (as was the fashion at the time), unadorned by piercings or tattoos — overall fairly generic and nondescript. Not because my family was particularly conservative (or at all). My parents met in Africa during the peace corps and were always supportive of any decisions my siblings or I made about our identities. The whole “rules of society” thing never really existed in my house growing up, but I’m getting side-tracked. Despite an overall conventional appearance, this still didn’t prevent folks from recognizing there was something a little different about me. I don’t really fit into conventional gender roles and never have. Intellectually impoverished areas like rural Oregon tend to interpret this one way: “he’s a homosexual.” (It might be worth noting that I define my own sexuality more fluidly than that, and have been sexually active with folks who present as both female and male.) Needless to say I experienced a lot of marginalization growing up and general exclusion/mistreatment.

I think in a lot of ways this influenced my immediate decision to alter my appearance to that of a somewhat less conventional manner. If externally presenting myself as “normal,” “traditional,” “conventional,” — whatever — didn’t allow me to fit in, then why would I bother to do it? If I was going to be marginalized, it was going to be on my terms. So I let my hair grow out enough to start spiking up in a mohawk fashion and pierced my lip. (Gasp!) Something blatantly defining as “gay” in the community I grew up in.

What followed was interesting. Once I began asserting myself visually, people stopped feeling the need to define me and just sort of backed away — they seemed somewhat uneasy around me. Somehow, overnight (well, as long as it took to enact these changes to my appearance) the power structure had been subverted. I remember feeling in control of how people reacted to me, which informed future decisions about my personal customization: if I press button ‘x’ it will elicit response ‘y.’ As I said, interesting. I began to revere my own appearance less as a statement about me, and more about those who interacted with me — and how they chose to go about doing so.

As time went on I added more and more piercings to my body, my clothes got tighter/more revealing, my hair more defiantly hawked, and began to present an overall more sexually provocative image — bordering almost on the feminine.

Currently I’m in the long-haired, bohemian, 60s/70s sun-child stage of presentation, bordering very adjacently the look of homelessness: scruff, unkempt and wild hair, short (by modern standards for men, but still longer than anything completely accepted for women) cut-off shorts, sandals, and a lot of sunglasses — A LOT.

I have my own graphic design business and work full-time managing a local print shop while attending school full-time on top of that. I’ve been vegan for the past six-years and have recently started trying to grow more and more of my own food, and prepare the majority of my meals at home. I also run 8-12 miles a day, train for marathons, and am extremely goal-oriented. It keeps me very busy. I’m very responsible. Though it’s interesting how often people look at me, based on my appearance, and assume things like I have “weed to sell” or know where to score some heroine. On one occasion I was even stopped by a security guard and checked for “track marks” on my arms and asked to empty my pockets. Of course there was nothing to be found because I don’t engage in such behaviors, but I’m very aware of how I present to the world around me. In that sense, I don’t know that my appearance defines my values, not in the typical or expected way, anyway. I’m not a drug addict, I have my own place, and work very hard. If my appearance were to speak to my values in any way, it would be a rejection of conventional perceptions — an attempt to serve as a mirror for those who would otherwise tell me who I am. There’s nothing more illuminating about a person than the judgments they project onto an external entity. That has always been the driving force behind the choices I make regarding my personal aesthetic: I’m going to reveal you for what you are by way of letting you reveal yourself. I don’t know if that’s a value or result of marginalization as a child?

Regarding my peer community, I don’t spend time with a single type of person — and all of my friends, however varied, have a lot more humanity in common with each other than objectifications about appearance might reduce them to. As I stated in my discussion post, I’m really uncomfortable with this topic at large because I know, from my own personal experience, and having been alive long enough and experienced enough people to know that external presentations are incredibly superficial, and in terms of what’s really important, not even skin deep. You might be able to extrapolate approximations about a person’s attitudes or beliefs, but more often than not I suspect you’d be wrong — and wouldn’t really access what’s infinitely more important: is this an interesting person? Do they have exciting thoughts/and ideas? Are they engaging? Are they kind?

Preface: I’m simply going to state observances and relate them to historically associated behaviors. I’m not comfortable extrapolating socioeconomic or plausible familial assumptions about individuals’ backgrounds because I know it to be folly and don’t have the time required to address every possible caveat.

Person 1

She’s leaning forward in her chair on the patio outside the bar, far enough forward to raise her short, tight-fitting shirt just high enough to reveal [what’s traditionally known as] a tramp-stamp. It’s of tribal design. Her hair is cut to chin length, damaged from too many years of bleach treatments. The roots still show. She wears it messily in a sort of care-free way scrambled atop her head. Her make-up, heavy and bleeding from her eyes, indicates she’s still in last night’s clothes. That explains the hair.

It appears to me she is likely sexually promiscuous and went out the previous night to “get some.” If I had to guess, it was a successful endeavor. Though externally confident and brassy, something in her demeanor/appearance betrays her and, I suspect, reveals underlying self-esteem issues. Her dress, hair, make-up, tattoo, hair – I’ve seen them all a thousand times before. Maybe a million. It’s what I would define as the cookie-cutter image of a “sexually desirable girl” – dressed for objectification, imitating media icons. Though I suspect the only things she cuts are herself – maybe not for a long time, and only in the dark light of blackout – and the occasional line of coke.

 Person 2

He’s slumped over in the corner, eyes covered by dark shades, wearing a shirt that’s too baggy and long for his thin frame. It’s stained and wrinkled with a few holes in its fabric. He’s wearing athletic shorts – also baggy and long—and a cap – the kind one might acquire as a promotional item.

He doesn’t appear concerned with his appearance – but not in the good way, the way one might not care what others think. I don’t believe he cares about himself. It’s true he may just be financially destitute and living under inspired circumstances, unable to afford nicer clothes, but based on context – the bar – I don’t think that indicates self-worth. I don’t believe spending what little money you have, if indeed the case, on getting drunk is an investment in the self. It’s self-destructive. It just appears defeated – as though he’s given up on himself. I think it’s a bit sad.

 Person 3

The bartender is dressed inconspicuously in black from head to toe. She’s clearly spent time styling her hair. It’s blonde with shades of light brown, bouncing in curly tendrils as she cheerfully mixes the next drink. Her make-up is clean, and she has an overall fresh look about her – warm and inviting. She’s in pants and restaurant grade shoes – dressed for utility.

I think her overall appearance gives the impression of someone who takes pride in her appearance, and her work. I suspect – as I observe her retrieve a pack of cigarettes from her shiny, strappy, label-glittering purse – that she appreciates “nice” things and is willing to work hard for them. I think her appearance is important to her, in the most agreeable sense of the idea, but not as important as professional faculty while on the clock. I think all of these things demonstrate conventionally desirable character and inherent self-worth.

 

As my preface implies, I think these extrapolations indicate less about my value/belief systems and more about a compilation of catalogued experiences. I don’t place personal value judgments on any of these folks – just stating, in my experience, the highest percentage yield from each respective persona.